


Anything

by KatesBrain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Erotica, M/M, Slash, The Quidditch Pitch: The Changing Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-23
Updated: 2005-11-23
Packaged: 2018-10-27 08:47:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10805757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatesBrain/pseuds/KatesBrain
Summary: Sirius and Remus's friendship has been strained ever since Sirius told Snape about the knot on the Whomping Willow. So in an attempt to recover what was lost, Sirius makes a rash statement that James soon makes him regret.- originally posted April 2005





	1. The Promise

  
Author's notes:  
 **Warnings:** Copious amounts of swearing, dubious/coerced consent.  
 **Notes:** Calling Sirius’s other shag-buddy an OMC is a bit of a technicality, I suppose, as he can be found in the [The Harry Potter Lexicon](http://www.hp-lexicon.org/index.html). Big thanks go to my betas, **Sue** and **Lee** – I’d be crap without you to keep me in line!  
Any mistakes left are due to my own idiocy; please feel free to point them out to me!   


* * *

Sirius grunted as he chucked another ball of parchment across the dormitory, missing the bin by a couple of feet. Taking a fresh sheet from his bag, he looked up at the only other person present: Remus, who was intently studying—as he always seemed to do lately whenever he and Sirius were left alone together.

 

Remus was ignoring him. Again. _Still_. It wasn’t as if they never spoke, but now, those words were purely functional, and also, few and far between. Sirius was getting fed up with this awkwardness between them. After all, it was _only_ Snape, and nothing had happened to the greasy git thanks to James—no toothpick had been required to remove Snape from Remus’s teeth. And anyway, if Snivellus was such an idiot that he’d listen to what Sirius told him, more fool him.

 

“What do you want to do in Hogsmeade next week?” Sirius asked, starting to place folds and creases in the parchment in a determined way. “D’you have anything specific to buy?”

 

Remus didn’t even bother to look up as he replied with a succinct, “No.”

 

“Oh come on, Moony,” Sirius pleaded as the door banged open and James joined them. “You can’t hate me forever.”

 

Remus promptly threw him a look that said he was very capable of doing just that.

 

“You still grovelling, Padfoot?” James chuckled, and he snatched the creation from Sirius’s hands.

 

“Oi! Give that back, you interfering bastard.”

 

James jumped up to stand on his bed and dangled the piece of parchment just out of Sirius’s reach. “What is it?” James asked. “Tell me, and I might give it back to you, short-arse.”

 

“It’s origami, you overgrown, lumbering, uneducated ape!” Sirius wrapped both arms around James’s legs and yanked hard. The pair of them tumbled to the floor in a heap, both of them trying to gain supremacy over the other. “Ha!” Sirius shouted, holding up his prized piece of half-finished origami. Then he frowned. “You bastard; you’ve torn it.”

 

Pulling himself up, Sirius rolled the parchment into a ball, throwing it at the bin and missing again, and then taking a new sheet from his bag.

 

“What are you doing origami for, anyway?” James asked, brushing himself off as he stood. “Isn’t that a Muggle thing?”

 

“It’s a present for Remus,” Sirius admitted, and he looked over to Remus hopefully. But Remus was still adamantly reading. “To say I’m sorry—again—and to show that I do think of him. Lots.”

 

Sirius felt a small burst of hope when Remus slowly raised his head from the book; perhaps he would finally give Sirius a break. But no, going by the glare on Remus’s face, he was not impressed.

 

“Seeing as you didn’t hesitate in _using_ me to carry out a prank,” Remus began stonily. “I find it hard to believe that you think that much of me.”

 

“Of course I do, Remus!” Sirius pleaded. This had been the most Remus had said to him in one go since the prank on Snape, and Sirius felt the cogs turning in his head as he tried to think of a way to prolong the conversation for as long as possible. How could he prove how sorry he was? How could he get Remus to forgive him and put what had happened into the past, where it belonged? “If I could, I’d go back in time and bloody change it all. I’d do anything to make it up to you, Remus. _Anything_.”

 

He should have known better than to say something like that in front of James. Out of the four of them, James had always been the sharpest and the most devious; if there was an opening waiting to be abused, it was a dead cert that James would spot that weakness. Sirius realised his mistake too late when he saw the spark of mischief flash in James’s eyes.

 

“James, whatever it is you’re thinking, you can bloody well _stop_ thinking it. Right now,” he warned.

 

“I was just wondering if that was a _promise_ you’ve just made to Remus,” James said. “If so, perhaps you should put your money where your mouth is.”

 

“How?” Sirius asked with narrowed eyes.

 

“Not sure yet, but I’ll let you know when I think of something. Remus, any ideas?”

 

Remus only shook his head, chuckling. “You see what you can come up with, James.” He continued addressing James while turning to fix Sirius with a frosty stare. “I’m sure you’ll find something _appropriate_.”

 

Sirius opened his mouth to plead for mercy, but just then, the door banged open a second time and a very out-of-breath Peter entered the dormitory. 

 

“You’ll never guess what’s happened,” he panted as he slumped down on his bed. “McGonagall’s going to come up to the common room shortly and have a ‘talk’ with us about it.”  
  


Everyone looked at him expectantly as he shuddered on his bed apparently lost in his own thoughts. 

 

“I think you’re leaving out some key information, Peter,” Sirius pointed out. “What have we been caught doing this time?”

 

“Not us!” Peter said with a sudden laugh. “Podmore and Croaker—they’re… you know…” he lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “gay.”

 

“No,” James said in disbelief, leaning forward with interest to hear more of the story. “What happened? How did they get found out?”

 

“Apparently, they were seen... _kissing_ by the lake,” Peter screwed his face up. “This was their way of—how did Longbottom put it?—‘coming out’.” 

 

“Bloody Hufflepoofs,” Sirius chuckled. “I’ll be careful not to bend over when they’re around.”

 

“Sirius!” Remus said, and he gave Sirius a stern look. “Don’t be such a homophobe.”

 

“A what?”

 

“A homophobe,” Peter replied helpfully. “It means you have a fear of gay people.”

 

“I’m not scared of them; I just think that it’s not right…unnatural.”

 

Remus picked his book up to start reading once more and muttered, “That’s your mother talking.”

 

“Fuck off,” Sirius automatically snapped. Then he frowned; how was he supposed to get back into Remus’s good books by telling him to fuck off? But, he reasoned, Remus _had_ made a direct comparison between him and that…that bitch, so he felt the ‘fuck off’ _was_ justified. Perhaps he should just clarify this with Remus. “My _mother_ is only concerned with bloodline, and that’s why she doesn’t like poofters. I, on the other hand, don’t understand the point of it, not when there are plenty of girls to go round.”

 

“Is that so?” Remus asked unconcernedly without looking up.

 

“Yeah, especially now Poddy and Croaker are flaunting their relationship around in front of everyone. It’s all just to get attention.”

 

“Like Sibyll and Harold?” Remus said, pointedly referring to a heterosexual couple who were always showing off their relationship to other people.

 

“But…” Sirius stuttered as he screwed his face up and tried to think. “They’re not… but…. Yeah, _exactly_. They might not be poofs, but they’re just as bad. It’s just that _all_ queers _always_ have to make such an issue of it.” Sirius smiled to himself at his reasoning before proceeding to make fun of Sibyll and Harold. “’Oh, we’re so grown up. Look at us; we’ve got a proper relationship.’ Only with queers, you can add, ‘Oh, we’re so scandalous. Look at us; aren’t we wonderful for being… _abnormal._ ’ Why can’t they just keep it quiet?”

 

“So what about Joe Jenkins?” Remus asked. “He doesn’t flaunt it.”

 

“He’s _not_ …. No way…. You’re having a laugh…” Remus just looked at him knowingly. “Really? But he _plays Quidditch_ …. He’s a _beater_ for fuck’s sake,” Sirius said, as if it completely undermined Remus’s assertion. “Oh, my god. I’ll be sure not to drop—”

 

“Sirius,” Remus interrupted sharply, “if you so much as _breathe_ the words ‘drop the soap’, I will hex you into next week.”

 

“Okay, fine. I’ll shut up.” Sirius pouted and went back to concentrating on his present for Remus. After making one fold in the parchment, he added, “I just don’t understand why they had to let everyone know.”

 

“I bet they would have thought twice about it if they knew what would happen,” Peter said.

 

“What do you mean?” James asked. 

 

Hearing James’s voice so close behind him, Sirius whipped his head round to see that James had been sneaking up on him. Sirius glared and cradled his artwork protectively. 

 

“They’ve been split up,” Peter explained, “Croaker’s had to move in with the sixth year Hufflepuffs. The teachers don’t want them doing…stuff in the dormitory.”

 

“So if you don’t like any of your roomies, all you have to do to get rid of them is shag them,” James laughed and made a dive onto Sirius’s bed. “Beware, Padfoot! If you annoy me too much, I’ll have to rape you.”

 

“Get off me, you great ponce!” With one momentous shove of his shoulder, Sirius had James on the floor with a thud. 

 

Sirius leaned over the edge of the bed and was not pleased to see James looking up at him with another thoughtful expression. “What?” Sirius asked suspiciously.

 

“They must have known they’d get a lot of stick, but they were still willing to risk it—to let everyone know. All because they wanted to be together.”

 

“James,” Sirius said with disgust, “don’t bother trying to be romantic: it just doesn’t work coming out of your gob.”

 

“ _My point_ is that they were willing to take all this shit. I think it’s obvious that they’d do _anything_ for each other—”

 

“James…”

 

“—such as coming out to the whole school. At the moment, I can only think of one thing that would show more devotion to a friend. If, as you claim, you’d do anything for Remus, then you wouldn’t mind proving this by doing the same thing.”

 

“Potter!” Sirius carefully placed his origami on the pillow and then propelled himself off the bed to attack James, all the while hearing Peter and Remus in hysterics in the background.

 

“A real friend,” James panted as Sirius tried his best to squish James’s face into the carpet,” would be willing to come out, _even_ if he wasn’t gay.” 

 

“Why don’t you do it then?” Sirius asked while picking up a lump of fluff from the floor and attempting to poke it up his best friend’s nose. 

 

With a quick jab of his knee, James upended Sirius and bounded across the beds to escape to the other side of room, calling out, “I don’t have to prove myself to Remus.”

 

“Oh very funny, James,” Sirius said, glaring at him insolently. “You’re sick, you know.” 

 

“He has a point, though, Sirius,” Remus piped up, and Sirius snapped his head in Remus’s direction. “You _wouldn’t_ do anything for me—like you claimed.”

 

“You want me to tell everyone I’m queer?” Sirius asked in amazement, and Remus nodded back at him with a sly smile. 

 

There was silence for several moments as Sirius tried to grapple with what Remus expected, his jaw lowering and raising as he tried to respond, but each time his mouth opened, his brain refused to provide him with any words. He said he would do anything—turn back time if he could. And he had meant it. What was more important: having Remus’s friendship back like what they used to have, or not having the school gossip about him? 

 

Grabbing his present and muttering “enervate”, he pressed it into Remus’s hands. 

 

“I’ll do it,” he said as an animated-origami-Padfoot jumped up and licked the end of Remus’s thumb.

 

Remus’s eyebrows betrayed a flicker of surprise, but he didn’t get the chance to comment, as just then, Professor McGonagall’s magically amplified voice boomed through the doorway, telling all of the Gryffindors to make their way to the common room.

 

**

 

Sirius felt very uncomfortable throughout the talk and found it hard to pay attention, what with James persistently smirking at him. The main gist, as far as Sirius could make out, was that, although McGonagall and the other teachers at Hogwarts didn’t consider feelings of _that_ sort as wrong, a certain amount of discretion was needed within both the Wizarding and the Muggle world, and a certain level of conduct was expected within the castle grounds—no matter what the sex of those concerned. Her final comment was to point out that “certain activities” were illegal in the Muggle world for those under the age of twenty-one, and the Ministry would not appreciate having to bail anyone out under those circumstances. She didn’t have to specify what activities: Sirius was well aware that all poofs liked to shag each other up the arse—though, why they would ever want to do something so disgusting was completely beyond him.

 

“So, how are you going to ‘out’ yourself, Sirius?” James asked in a whisper after McGonagall and most of the other Gryffindors had dispersed.

 

“I dunno,” Sirius said, shrugging in defeat. He was determined to do this, for Remus—even if every last square inch of his brain was screaming at him not to. It was just a question of how to minimise the humiliation. “It’s not as if I’ve got a bloody boyfriend that I could snog in front of people.”

 

“Well, perhaps you should get one.”

 

“Oi! I agreed to let people think I’m a poof; I’m _not_ doing _stuff_ with anyone… There has to be another way.”

 

“You could just let it slip on the grapevine,” Peter suggested. 

 

“But I’d need a _reason_ for it getting out. I don’t want Podmore and Croaker thinking that we’re just taking the piss out of them—”

 

“Even though you _were_ blatantly taking the piss earlier…”

 

“That’s not the point, Remus.”

 

“Marlene McKinnon has been after you for ages,” Peter said, nodding his head in the direction of several girls sitting on the other side of the room. “She’s always hanging around in the hope of catching you alone. If we left you here on your own—you could pretend to be studying—I bet she’d come over and speak to you. She’s sure to spread the news: she’s forever gossiping about something.”

 

Sirius nodded reluctantly, and the others stood, James patting him on the shoulder, saying, “Good luck, mate,” and looking far too pleased with himself as he did so.

 

It wasn’t long—a grand total of two minutes—before Peter was proved right and Marlene approached Sirius, shyly asking him out.

 

“Sorry, but…erm…I’m gay,” he stuttered, not letting himself acknowledge what he was doing, not wanting to think about it until later, much later. But Marlene had him waking up to reality with a snap.

 

“You? A poof?” she asked incredulously, and Sirius looked down at his hands, feeling strangely insulted by her words. “Not you an’ all. It’s always the good-looking ones. Next you’ll be telling me Remus is.”

 

“Nah,” Sirius chuckled, relieved that someone else had become the focus of the conversation. “He’s not gay; he’s just asexual.” Taking in her wide-eyed expression, he suddenly realised she hadn’t taken that as the joke it was meant to be. The last thing he needed was for her to spread it around that Remus was asexual and then for Remus to hear who had started the rumour. “ _Seriously_ , Marlene, he’s not gay—or asexual. Do you want me to put a good word in for you?”

 

“You think he’d be interested in me?”

 

Sirius was rather taken aback by her enthusiasm for the idea. He had made the offer without any real intent, assuming that, with her attentions focused on him, she wouldn’t want to get involved with Remus. He had only said it to emphasize that Remus was not asexual. _Still_ , he told himself, _they never said I couldn’t pimp Remus out._

 

“I dunno… he might be. I’ll find out—let you know.”

 

She gave him an awkward smile and walked back across the room. Sirius pretended to go back to his book, but his attention remained with Marlene. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she shook her head at her friends once she had sat down. She then wrinkled her nose in disgust and mouthed, “He’s a poof, too.” Every head turned in his direction, and he heard the gasps of disbelief and disapproval. Sirius groaned. What on earth did he think he was doing?

 

**

 

As the gossip began to spread over the next few days, Sirius noticed that besides the random bouts of homophobia, he was receiving more than a few appreciative glances from some of the boys in the school, and—much to James’s amusement—he had even received a couple of offers to go up to the Astronomy Tower. Regulus and Snape had been—predictably—complete arseholes about it, but they were always doing their best to annoy Sirius, anyway, so nothing really changed in that respect. Regulus had also been very quick to tell their mother, and the letter she sent had provided Sirius with a good deal of amusement over breakfast one morning; Sirius made a point of thanking his brother for the entertainment. 

 

And then there was Remus. He seemed to lighten up slightly towards Sirius, and Sirius mistakenly thought that that would be it: they could now go back to their previous friendship. But he didn’t anticipate Marlene to be so persistent, or how much it would annoy Remus.

 

“Look, he just doesn’t like you,” James said nastily, after she had approached Remus for the third time that day. “Leave him alone.”

 

“Lily’s right; you _are_ an arrogant berk,” she said, glaring at James. “It’s not my fault I got the wrong impression. Your poofy friend was the one who said Remus might be interested.” She gestured in Sirius’s direction and skulked off down the corridor.

 

Sirius tried his best to will himself invisible as he felt the other three stare in his direction. Perhaps if he laughed it off, it would be okay.

 

“You told her I might be interested?” Remus asked stonily, and the look on his face made Sirius re-think his strategy, very quickly.

 

“I only said it because I didn’t want her to think you were bent as well.”

 

“But why on earth would she think that, Padfoot?” James said in a sickly sweet voice, and Sirius cringed. It was obvious that James knew Sirius had said something he shouldn’t. “You didn’t happen to imply that he wa—”

 

“No! Of course I didn’t. I… I just made a joke that he was…erm...” Sirius lowered his voice. He knew it was an automatic response based on insane logic, but something inside of him hoped that reducing the volume would diminish their reactions to his unintended cock-up. He continued, his words barely audible, “That he was…asexual. But she didn’t realise I was only having a bit of a laugh.”

 

“Really, Padfoot,” James said, and Sirius narrowed his eyes, warning bells going off in his head at the way James was rubbing his hands together in anticipation of something…painful. “Anyone would think you weren’t taking this promise of yours seriously. I think—as punishment for putting Remus through all this grief with Marlene—you should prove yourself…by going on a date.”

 

Sirius’s jaw dropped. “There is no way, no wa—” He stopped when he realised that Remus was now nodding in agreement with James. 

 

“After all,” James continued, “with all these offers you’ve been getting, it’ll seem weird if you don’t start dating soon.”

 

“But he shouldn’t be allowed to just accept someone who’s already asked—that would be too easy,” Peter piped up, looking far too excited by the prospect of putting Sirius through more humiliation. “He should have to approach someone new.”

 

“An inspired idea, Wormtail! What do you think, Remus?”

 

“You did say you’d do anything, Sirius. Or did you mean to specify a time-limit to that promise?”

 

Sirius gravely shook his head. “No time limit. But… who then?” he asked, feeling that the situation was bad enough without having to single out any specific boy to date. “Who do I ask?” 

 

“Joe Jenkins,” Remus suggested. “I’ve often caught him looking at you, even more so now that you’ve come out. You can ask him to meet you in Hogsmeade. I bet he wouldn’t turn you down.”

 

“Yeah, and you can ask him tonight,” James said. “The Ravenclaws have got Quidditch practice—you can catch him afterwards.”

 

Sirius stared at James’s amused expression, saying nothing. _Oh God, I’m going on a date,_ he realised. _A fucking_ date. _With a poof who plays Quidditch._


	2. The Promise

Sirius tried his best not to scowl as he weaved in and out of the tables and chairs in The Three Broomsticks. Joe Jenkins was already waiting for him, sitting at a table near the back and sipping at a half-empty bottle of butterbeer. 

 

“Are you okay?” Joe asked as Sirius sat down opposite him. “You look like you’re in pain.”

 

Sirius gave a forced smile, which he guessed had probably come out more like a grimace, and lied without hesitation. “Bit of an incident with a Bludger earlier. I’ll be all right, though.”

 

“Where do you want to go?”

 

“Huh?” Sirius looked up, surprised. He had only just got there, and Joe was already talking about going somewhere else. Sirius had been counting on just having a quick drink before finding an excuse for them to go their separate ways.

 

“You did have _somewhere_ in mind? Or were you hoping that I’d know all the best places?” Joe said with a wink.

 

“Best places for _what_?”

 

“Oh,” Joe said, and now he was the one to look taken aback. “So you really _were_ asking me for a _date_ …”

 

“Yeah, I wasn’t taking the piss or anything,” Sirius said quickly, starting to feel paranoid that the others had just been having him on, that Joe wasn’t gay. “I thought… I’d heard that you were… you know… like me, and I… well, it doesn’t matter.” _Oh God,_ Sirius thought. _Please don’t get offended because you think I’ve got a crush on you. I’m going to look such an idiot if you turn out to be a closet-homophobe._ “I’d just assumed… I’m sorry that I got the wrong idea—”

 

“Just hang on one minute, Sirius. Having you stuttering away like that is all very cute, but what the hell are you drivelling about?”

 

“Er, you _are_ gay, aren’t you?” Sirius asked, feeling his cheeks redden in embarrassment and his stomach sink to his feet with nerves.

 

Joe laughed at Sirius’s expression. “Yes, I am. But I guess this is the first _official_ date that I’ve ever been on. Usually, I just meet up somewhere private for some fun, without much thought for conversation,” Joe explained. “This whole dating business is a bit of a novelty. The way I see it, it seems that you need to woo a woman’s brain; men, on the other hand, well, you only need to woo their cocks and dating seems a bit superfluous.” He paused to take a gulp of his drink and to smile at Sirius’s stunned expression. “I know that Podmore and Croaker have decided to date and won’t have any fun with anyone else, but I’ve always been content to have a bit of whoever I fancy.”

 

“Well, if you’re not interested in _dates_ then perhaps I should go,” Sirius said hastily, making to stand up and leave, and hoping that this would be a good excuse to back out of the situation.

 

“Don’t you dare! I only said that I’ve never dated before; I’m certainly not about to turn _you_ down.”

 

Shifting awkwardly in his seat, Sirius cursed James under his breath.

 

“You’re new to all this, aren’t you,” Joe continued. “So you thought you’d just dive right in and get yourself a boyfriend?”

 

“Er, sort of.”

 

“Let me guess. You came out to your friends, and when Croaker and Podmore went public, they hassled you into doing the same?”

 

“Er, yeah. It was James’s idea. Peter was all for it, too, and Remus was quite content to sit back and watch them take over my love life.” _And I hope all three of them have to endure slow and painful deaths_ , he added silently.

 

“Speak of the devil…”

 

Sirius whipped round in his seat and groaned when he saw Remus, Peter and James making their way over to the bar. They were chuckling away—no doubt, at his expense—and James kept looking over to where Joe and Sirius were sitting, his mouth pulled into a self-satisfied smirk.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Are your friends here to keep an eye on you?”

 

Sirius gave a sullen nod. “I’m sure they’ll do their damnedest to stick their oar in.”

 

“Come on then, let’s get out of here,” Joe said decisively, knocking back the last of his drink and standing up.

 

“Where are we going?” Sirius asked as he followed suit, and the pair of them exited the pub.

 

Joe gave him a wink and pulled him towards a pathway that led up to the woods. “To get some privacy.”

 

Sirius felt numb, as though he was approaching his doom, but he still continued to walk with Joe, not knowing what else to do and worrying what Joe was intending. As soon as they had made it to the cover of the trees, Joe closed in on Sirius, who couldn’t wipe the look of apprehension from his face.

 

“Haven’t you ever kissed anyone before?” Joe asked in amusement.

 

“I… I’ve never got around to it: been busy with other things.”

 

“Causing chaos for the rest of the school, you mean,” Joe said as he backed Sirius against the nearest tree. “Well, I’m more than interested in showing you the ropes, as it were. Don’t worry. I’m not about to bite your head off—although, I may give it a little nibble.”

 

Joe moved his head closer, but Sirius remained stock still, his body completely rigid with fear at what was about to happen.

 

“Oh, come on, Sirius,” Joe said, starting to sound annoyed. “You’re not some simpering young girlie; you’re a teenage boy. Normally, that entails an excess of hormones and your brain located somewhere in the region between your stomach and your cock. You can’t want to go out with boys and then _not_ want to do anything with them!” 

 

If Sirius could Apparate, then without question, he would definitely be anywhere but here. But he couldn’t, and there didn’t seem to be anything he could do, besides backing out of the date, and therefore, backing out on his promise to Remus. 

 

He watched Joe’s mouth get closer and closer, and his breath caught in his throat as their lips made contact. Joe wrapped his arms around Sirius’s waist, causing him to shudder.

 

Then the kiss broke and Joe pulled back to look at him curiously. “Well, this is certainly a revelation: the big, bad Sirius Black is really only a pussycat at heart.”

 

 _Pussycat?_ Sirius choked internally. _A fucking pussycat?_ No, he bloody well wasn’t; he was a dog, a huge, ferocious dog—even if he didn’t feel like one at that precise moment.

 

Joe moved his hands up to Sirius’s shoulders. Pressing soft kisses to Sirius’s face, Joe started to massage the top of his back in an effort to relax him, and to Sirius’s surprise, it was working. When Joe’s lips met his, Sirius automatically began to kiss back, their tongues brushing together. Sliding his hands down Sirius’s arms, Joe interweaved their fingers, and then moved Sirius’s hands, placing them on his waist, leaving them there and returning to smooth his own hands along Sirius’s back. All the while, Sirius was thinking of Remus. _Remus better appreciate this; I hope he’s bloody satisfied with what he’s got me doing._

 

Sirius couldn’t hold back a gasp when one of Joe’s hands slid down his chest, only stopping when he reached the front of Sirius’s trousers. Joe kissed him more insistently as he started to rub along Sirius’s cock, and Sirius realised with alarm that he was already hard. He was even more shocked when Joe unbuttoned his jeans, the cold air hitting his skin intermingled with the warmth from Joe’s hand as it wrapped around him.

 

Joe broke the kiss and looked downwards. Sirius instinctively followed his gaze, and he was captivated by the sight of his cock encased by Joe’s fingers.

 

“You’ve got a lovely cock, Sirius,” Joe breathed, rubbing his thumb across the head, causing Sirius to gasp again. “Are you enjoying this?”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius said, fervently telling himself that a wank was a wank; it didn’t matter whose hand it was.

 

They kissed again, and Sirius lost himself to the sensation of lips and hand. He didn’t notice at first that Joe had moved one of his own hands to the front of Joe’s trousers—until he felt Joe’s erection through the fabric. He froze.

 

“It’s okay,” Joe said soothingly against his lips. “You don’t have to get it out. Just rub your hand slightly.” Sirius relented, figuring that it was a kind of payment for the wank he was already getting. “Mmm, yes, just like that.”

 

Their breathing became more ragged as they kissed and rubbed each other, Sirius refusing to acknowledge to himself what was occurring. Joe pushed a hand down the back of Sirius’s trousers to have a good feel of his arse, and Sirius started. Jerking his hips forward at the tingling sensation of fingers drifting across skin, he gasped around Joe’s mouth, and then Joe’s hand sped up around his cock. Seconds later, Sirius was coming. 

 

“Keep rubbing,” Joe said, moving his sticky hand over Sirius’s to guide him. He was leaning against Sirius, panting against his shoulder and pushing back against Sirius’s hand. Sirius gave an experimental squeeze. “Oh, yes,” Joe gasped, and then he shuddered, slumping heavily against Sirius with a groan.

 

Sirius stood there quietly; he couldn’t think of anything appropriate to say or do. So he concentrated on adamantly not thinking about the fact that he had just played a part in making another boy come, and that he was still standing there with his cock out and the other boy’s hand down the back of his trousers.

 

“Thank you,” Joe said, and he placed a soft kiss to Sirius’s lips before casting a spell to clean them both. “Shall we see if your mates have disappeared yet?”

 

Sirius nodded mutely, fumbling to do up his trousers.

 

“Zonko’s?” Joe asked.

 

Sirius was in a daze as they walked down to the village. Joe started chatting about the N.E.W.T.s and other everyday things, and soon Sirius was joining in with the conversation. Sirius could do that: talk about things completely unrelated to sex—it certainly helped him to put what they had just done firmly out of his mind. 

 

As they browsed the jokes in Zonko’s, they continued to chat and were soon enjoying their shared love of Quidditch, also finding out that they had a mutual dislike of Snape. They were in the middle of taking the piss out of the Slytherins in general and having a good laugh to boot, when James, Peter and Remus arrived. 

 

Sirius did his best to ignore the others and to concentrate on what Joe was saying to him, but he couldn’t help but overhear the occasional loud comment that drifted over; James and Peter were enjoying themselves far too much at his expense. The temptation to get his wand out and hex James was almost too much to ignore, but Sirius knew that it wouldn’t go down well with Remus. Then Sirius suddenly realised that Joe had stopped talking and was now staring at him with a disgruntled expression.

 

“Do they always do this?” Joe asked.

 

“What?” 

 

“Follow you around.”

 

“Well, I’ve never—”

 

“—been on a date before.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They left Zonko’s and wandered along to Honeydukes in the hope of losing the others, but it wasn’t long before James, Peter and Remus followed them there, as well.

 

“Can’t you tell them to clear off?”

 

“No point: James has obviously dug his heels in with wanting to embarrass me. They won’t listen.”

 

“Some friends you have.”

 

“They’re all right really—most of the time,” Sirius insisted. And they were, despite being downright infuriating at times. The only reason he was here with Joe was because he thought so much of his friendship with Remus. “Nobody’s perfect; I take the good with the bad…”

 

“Sorry, Sirius, but I’m bored of their game,” Joe said as they gave up and left Honeydukes. “Do you want to walk back to the castle with me?”

 

“Okay,” Sirius said. He didn’t want to hang around in Hogsmeade because he knew that the others would make a beeline for him the instant they saw him on his own, and he didn’t think he could handle being grilled about the date just yet.

 

“I guess it’s a bit of a novelty for them,” Joe said. “Hopefully, it’ll have worn off by next time.”

 

Sirius stopped in his tracks; the thought of having to go on another date had not crossed his mind. 

 

“Next time?” he asked.

 

Taking Sirius’s hand, Joe pulled him into an adjacent alleyway that was cast in shadow from the buildings standing either side. Joe turned to face him with an earnest expression. 

 

“Next time,” Joe asserted. “I don’t mind if it’s another dateor if you just want to meet up for the occasional bit of fun; it’s up to you. But I wouldn’t mind doing either with you.”

 

Sirius was shocked; he didn’t know what to say. Sure, it had been pleasant enough, spending time with Joe, but to agree to see him again was another matter entirely. It would mean agreeing to do _things_ with Joe, possibly more than what they had already done. Joe leaned forwards to begin kissing his face gently, starting with Sirius’s forehead and then working his way down to his nose, his chin, along his jaw and ending with his lips pressed behind Sirius’s earlobe.

 

“Unless you don’t want to,” Joe breathed, sending a shiver up Sirius’s spine.

 

“I hadn’t thought about it,” Sirius squeaked. He hadn’t needed to. The others hadn’t said whether they expected him to continue treating Joe as his boyfriend, or if they would be happy to leave it at Sirius going on a single date. But knowing James, he’d want it to be milked for all its worth. While Sirius was mulling over his decision, Joe resumed with his kisses to Sirius’s neck, running his hand over Sirius’s cock once more. 

 

“We could be seen: we’re right by the path,” Sirius protested, trying to ignore the fact that he didn’t want to move away from Joe’s touch. 

 

“I know,” Joe said against his skin. “I can’t help but find it exciting. Any one of those people walking past could glance down here and see us like this: me, rubbing you up and tasting your delicious neck; you, standing there and taking it. Knowing we could be caught turns me on. Doesn’t it send the adrenalin rushing through your veins, too?”

 

Sirius gasped as Joe squeezed his cock through his trousers. Yes, he had to concede, it was… intoxicating. Joe pulled back to look at Sirius, his eyes boring into him, and Sirius instinctively moved forward to brush their lips together and tentatively place his hands on Joe’s hips. Joe immediately deepened their contact and wrapped his arms around Sirius, pushing the full length of their bodies together. Sirius could feel their erections rubbing against each other through the layers of clothing, and he started to grind his hips in time with Joe’s. As their kisses became more feverish, Sirius held on more firmly, absently stroking along the base of Joe’s back, casting the occasional frantic look towards the street, where he was sure the others were bound to appear at any moment. After what seemed like an eternity of illicit fumblings, they both came, a few beads of sweat scattered across their brows.

 

“Next time?” Joe asked with a smile.


	3. The Boyfriend

When Sirius entered his dormitory, he was relieved to see that Remus, Peter and James had not yet come back from Hogsmeade. At least he would have a bit more peace before he was put under the microscope. 

 

Before doing anything else, he unzipped his trousers and cleaned up the mess left in there—the evidence. He then looked up at his reflection in the mirror that hung to one side of his bed. He didn’t think he looked any different. He felt as if something should’ve have changed, something that would show he had been doing things he had no business doing with another bloke. Would the others see this enigmatic quality? God, he hoped not. He shivered and checked his clothes once more for any further tell-tale marks and then decided to shower and change anyway—just in case. 

 

By the time he had thoroughly scrubbed himself clean, the others had arrived. Sirius put his head down and marched across the room to his trunk, pulling out a set of fresh clothes, feeling his skin flush across his face, down his neck and over his chest. Hearing James start to chuckle behind him, Sirius hastily covered himself in a shirt to hide as much of his embarrassment as he could. 

 

“How did the hot date go?” James asked, and Sirius merely glared at him. To Sirius’s frustration this only made James laugh even harder, prompting Peter to join in. James then raised his eyebrows meaningfully, adding, “Where did you disappear to?”

 

“Went for a walk,” Sirius grunted. He hoped that if he kept up a sulky and moody exterior, they would assume he had a problem with the date as a whole, and not any particular…aspect of it. Sulky and moody wouldn’t be a problem; the danger was in him showing how disturbed he felt, because that would undoubtedly lead to them asking awkward questions.

 

“Did he try to stick his tongue down your throat?” Remus asked from where he had now reclined on his own bed.

 

Sirius started—visibly, he knew. Considering his options carefully, he opted for ignoring Remus’s question completely and giving a bit more information to James’s, instead. “ _As I was saying_ , we went for a walk…to have a _chat_ without you lot looking over my shoulder and taking the piss.”

 

“So that’s a yes then,” James said with a smirk.

 

“You are such a wanker, Potter,” Sirius said, realising that he could just lie about it, but what if someone _had_ seen them—either in the woods, or down that damn alleyway? He supposed he should admit to the basics, now, and avoid the risk of them wanting to know why he had tried to cover it up, later.

 

The lack of a denial triggered another burst of laughter from the others.

 

“And did he try to get into your trousers?” Remus asked, catching Sirius off-guard once more.

 

Admitting to being kissed by Joe—or rather, not denying the implication—was bad enough, but to confess _all_ the details was definitely _not_ going to happen. There was no way he would ever answer that question honestly, even if he had been caught red-handed. “For a poof, he was the perfect fucking gentleman,” he said curtly, fighting the urge to turn around and scream, _Yes_ _, and he bloody well succeeded!_

 

“So—”

 

“Fuck _off_ , Potter!” Sirius practically shouted before James could get in another question. “Yes, he kissed me. What the fuck was I supposed to do about it? You had us on a _date_ , remember?” Sirius turned to Remus, ignoring the sniggers that came from James and Peter’s direction. “I did this for you, because I meant what I said; I’d do anything to prove I’m sorry, Remus. Was this enough to convince you?”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw James wink at Remus.

 

“Well, I think it’s about time you introduced us to your _boyfriend_ , Sirius,” James said as he tried to contain another bout of laughter.

 

“What?” Sirius stuttered, not quite sure that he had heard James properly and hoping really hard that he hadn’t.

 

“Do you honestly think we’d let you leave it at a single date?” James said, his lips curling upwards in glee at the appalled expression on Sirius’s face. “We can’t have you dumping Joe so soon.”

 

Sirius was still stuck on the words ‘introduced us to your boyfriend’. So they now wanted him to see Joe again. Sirius had half-expected that; after all, it was the reason he had agreed to a ‘next time’ with Joe. If Remus had said that that was enough, that Sirius was forgiven, then he would have let Joe down in an instant. He really would. But James now wanted a personal introduction. Fuck.

 

“Why don’t you invite him up to the common room on Saturday evening?” James suggested. “We could have a bit of a party to celebrate our massacring of the Slytherins—because we all know it _will_ be a massacre!”

 

“McGonagall would skin him alive—and me—if she found him in the Gryffindor common room,” Sirius protested vehemently. Although he was desperately trying to come up with a better excuse, Sirius knew that, Quidditch party or not, James would insist on meeting Joe at some point. 

 

“ _If_ McGonagall turns up,” James said with an air of amusement that Sirius did not appreciate, “I think she’ll be too busy putting a stop to the party to pick out any individuals. Besides, the pair of you will be hanging around with us the whole time, and we’ll make sure he doesn’t get seen.”

 

Sirius groaned and put his head in his hands. It was almost enough to make him consider trying to swing the match on Saturday— _almost_. After all, they wereplaying Slytherin.

 

**

 

They met in the Entrance Hall, Sirius feeling sick with anxiety and Joe looking as nonchalant as ever. Acknowledging Joe with a smile, Sirius inwardly sighed with relief when Joe made no effort to greet him with a kiss. 

 

“Are you sure you want me to come along?” Joe asked as they started to walk up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower.

 

“Yeah…I….” Sirius faltered, realising that Joe wasn’t buying it. “No. But James and the others…”

 

“Your friends want to check me out?”

 

“’Fraid so.” 

 

Joe chuckled and stopped walking, and for a moment, Sirius thought that Joe was going to refuse. 

 

“Okay,” Joe finally said, and he continued along the corridor. “I’ll do this—for you—as long as you promise to come with me to the Astronomy Tower afterwards.”

 

Sirius nodded in agreement, determinedly not thinking about what Joe would want to do there. 

 

“What did you tell them about our date?” Joe asked, and he grinned mischievously. “Do they know how impressed I am with your co—”

 

“No!” Sirius said abruptly, appalled at the thought of Joe mentioning in front of his friends what they did. “They don’t know anything about that. That’s…private…none of their business. Please don’t—”

 

“Did you say _anything_ to them? They must know that we’ve kissed, right?” Joe paused, and Sirius gave a hesitant nod. “So, they won’t be too surprised if I grabbed you for a snog at the…” Sirius’s eyes widened dramatically, and Joe trailed off, shaking his head in amusement. “All right; don’t worry; I won’t do it! I’ll let you cling to your closet for a bit longer.”

 

Sirius said the password to the Fat Lady, and they climbed through the portrait hole to be greeted with the sound of music and noisy conversations. The common room was full of Gryffindors, and someone had produced a few bottles of firewhisky after Sirius had gone to meet Joe.

 

“This is just like our common room,” Joe said, pointing at the fireplace and the windows. “Only we’ve got a few more tables and not so many squishy armchairs. You Gryffindors are bloody well spoilt.”

 

He looked up at the walls, studying the pictures that hung there, while Sirius nervously searched the room for James, Remus and Peter. If he knew where they were, then he could avoid them for as long as possible. But unfortunately, James saw them first. 

 

“Oi, Sirius! Over here!”

 

They made their way across the room to join the others, and Sirius gestured awkwardly between them all, saying, “This is James, Remus, Peter…and er, Joe.”

 

“Hello Joe,” James said, and he smiled warmly, giving no indication that this was all an elaborate prank at Sirius’s expense. “Sorry if you thought we were imposing on your date in Hogsmeade, but we only had Sirius’s best interests at heart.”

 

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Joe said with a laugh. “But it doesn’t matter; we managed to get some privacy, anyway.”

 

Sirius could feel his face begin to redden, and he stood to one side of Joe, hoping and praying that the conversation would move on. He’d never live it down if Joe were to let anything slip.

 

James then handed Joe a glass of firewhisky and said, “Trying to get Sirius alone, eh. Just what are your intentions towards our friend?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Joe replied, his voice tinged with mock solemnity, “but they’re certainly not honourable.”

 

Sirius’s face was now fully flushed with embarrassment, and in desperation, he suddenly blurted out, “That was a good match today, wasn’t it.” James did not look impressed at his blatant attempt to change the topic of conversation, but Joe was willing to follow Sirius’s lead.

 

“Yeah,” Joe agreed, chuckling at how uneasy Sirius seemed to be. “I was well impressed with that first goal, James. How did you manage to get it to curve round the Keeper like that?” 

 

“Aha! I never reveal my Quidditch secrets to an opposing team member.”

 

For a moment, Sirius held his breath as he expected James to go back to teasing him and Joe, but then James’s face softened and he gave in, letting Joe pave the way for a detailed analysis of Quidditch techniques. 

 

Given the amount of noise, it wasn’t surprising that Professor McGonagall arrived soon after Sirius and Joe did. Joe quickly slunk to the back of the crowd of students, dragging Sirius in front of him. They then worked their way round to the portrait hole and slipped out while McGonagall was in full flow chastising the Gryffindors for the unauthorised party and docking points because of the alcohol present.

 

“Astronomy Tower, then?” Joe asked, and he started to wander up the corridor without waiting for an answer from Sirius.

 

Sirius jogged along to catch up. “God, that was horrible,” he moaned. “James is so fucking nosy, and everyone was staring at us.”

 

“You did look as though you were walking around with a broomstick shoved up your arse.” Joe smirked at Sirius, and then his face softened. “This is really hard for you, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius admitted, thinking, _And_ _you don’t know the half of it._

 

“Well, I’ll do my best to take your mind off your public embarrassment,” Joe said, holding open a door for Sirius and checking inside to make sure that the room was empty. “You know, you were blushing the whole time. I love it when you blush, Sirius.” Joe took Sirius’s hand and led him to a bench by the wall, drawing Sirius close to kiss him. “Do you know what I’d like to do?” he whispered against Sirius’s lips. “I’d like to fuck that blush right off your face.”

 

Sirius swallowed, starting to panic about what Joe had in store for him this evening.

 

Joe motioned for Sirius to sit down. “Do I assume from the party invite that you want us to date?” he asked as he pushed Sirius’s knees apart and knelt on the floor between them, running his hands up Sirius’s thighs.

 

“Er…” 

 

“You still not sure?” Joe’s hands drifted higher, now at the edge of Sirius’s crotch.

 

“Not really. I…I hadn’t—”

 

“—thought about it. You don’t do much thinking, do you? Well, take as long as you like. In the meantime, I’ll just have to use you for sex.”

 

Looking Sirius straight in the eye, Joe leant forward and closed his mouth around the bulge in Sirius’s trousers that betrayed Sirius’s semi-hard cock. Sirius let his head fall back onto the wall behind him, his eyes fluttering shut and a heavy groan issuing from his mouth. He didn’t want to think about what they were doing. All he could focus on was the exquisite sensation that Joe was responsible for. So, when Joe moved his head away and began to methodically remove Sirius’s shoes, trousers and underwear, he automatically lifted his feet, and then his hips, to help him.

 

Joe pressed his lips to Sirius’s cock once more, drawing it all the way in, decisively moving his head up and down, taking Sirius in up to the hilt each time and causing Sirius to groan loudly. Gripping the bench harder and harder, Sirius felt several nails snap against the wood, and he tried in vain to thrust his hips upwards, but Joe had a firm hold of his hips, restraining him from movement. Then all of a sudden, Joe moved his head away. Sirius let out a whine of frustration.

 

“There’s nothing quite like a blow job,” Joe said with a grin, relaxing his grip and running his hands to the insides of Sirius’s thighs. Sirius let out an incoherent squeak as Joe pushed his legs further apart.

 

Joe lightly kissed the head of Sirius’s cock, and then proceeded to suck along its length, continuously moving downwards as he did so. Sirius sat there in a numbed haze, mumbling a stream of nonsense, feeling Joe chuckle against the skin of his balls. Warmth enveloped one of his balls as Joe gently took it into his mouth, working his tongue over the loose skin.

 

And then hands were back at Sirius’s hips, tugging him forward, pulling him to sit right on the edge of the bench so he could spread his legs fully. Joe planted firm kisses across Sirius’s sac, bringing a hand across to begin stroking Sirius’s cock. Sirius groaned. Joe moved his lips lower, and lower— 

 

“Wait!” Sirius cried out, sitting up with a jolt. “You can’t kiss me there!”

 

Joe sat back on his haunches and regarded Sirius thoughtfully. “Next time we meet,” he said, “make sure you have a good wash beforehand, and I promise to do something to you that will make your eyes roll back in your hea— No. On second thoughts, I know what we’ll do: I’ll get hold of the password for the Prefect’s bathroom. We can meet there.”

 

“How will you get the password?” Sirius asked, watching as Joe stood and began to strip from the waist down. 

 

“I know one of the Prefects rather well,” Joe said, giving Sirius a suggestive wink. 

 

“You’ve done stuff with a Prefect?” Sirius looked at Joe with a frown, his thoughts immediately flying to Remus. “Which one?”

 

“Never you mind.”

 

Joe pushed Sirius’s tense body back until he was lying lengthways along the bench. Perhaps this was why Remus knew that Joe was gay. If that was the case, then Remus would know that Joe was _anything but_ a perfect gentleman; he’d know exactly what sort of thing Sirius had been getting up to. But Remus wasn’t gay, was he?

 

“Not Remus?”

 

Joe merely chuckled to himself as he retrieved his wand from the floor. Pointing the wand at his palm, he muttered, “ _Lubricans_ _”_.

 

“Why do you ask?” Joe asked, smoothing his hand along his cock, leaving it covered with a moist sheen. He leant forwards and slowly worked his hand around Sirius’s cock, and Sirius moaned at the feel of slick fingers gliding over him. “Would you be jealous?”

 

The question surprised Sirius, and he barked out a laugh, hastily denying Joe’s question and trying to ignore the fact that, even though he wouldn’t describe it as jealousy, the thought of Joe and Remus together left him feeling decidedly rankled.

 

Joe laid down on top of Sirius, insinuating a leg between Sirius’s and resting his weight on his elbows and groin. “You can take that look off your face: it wasn’t Remus,” he said, moving his hips and rubbing their cocks together.

 

They kissed deeply, and Sirius wrapped his arms around Joe, holding on tightly and jerking his hips up in time with Joe’s. Sirius needed more of that wonderful friction between them. Their pace increased, their kisses became frantic and clumsy, and suddenly Sirius felt every pleasurable nerve ending throughout his groin begin to pulse as he came with a loud cry.

 

He dropped his head back onto the bench, gasping for breath. “Fuck…” he panted. “Fuck, that was… oh shit…”

 

Joe smiled at him and leaned down to ghost his lips teasingly over the corner of Sirius’s mouth. “Good?” he asked.

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Sirius reached up to place a hand on the back of Joe’s head. He pulled Joe down, kissing him hard and wondering what the hell was going on in his life. His train of thought was brought to a sudden halt when he felt Joe guiding his free hand to Joe’s cock, which was still hard. Joe wanted Sirius to wank him off. Sirius swallowed and then took a deep breath, tentatively curling his fingers around the warm flesh. 

 

Joe groaned heavily and immediately thrust into Sirius’s hand. The look of bliss on Joe’s face gave Sirius a heady feeling, and he began to move his hand back and forth, faster and faster, enjoying the thrill that he was having such a powerful effect on Joe. 

 

It didn’t take long before Joe’s motions faltered, come landing haphazardly across Sirius’s shirt and groin. With a drawn-out sigh, Joe collapsed on top of Sirius, and Sirius wound his arms around Joe, holding his sticky hand in the air for a moment before deciding that he didn’t really care and pressing the slick palm onto Joe’s naked waist. 

 

Joe grunted and turned his head to run his lips lazily up and down Sirius’s neck. “Tomorrow night?” he asked.

 

“Prefect’s bathroom,” Sirius confirmed without hesitation.


	4. The Upset

That night, when Sirius climbed the stairs to the dormitory, he could hear the others still chattering away. He drew a deep breath and pushed the door open. 

 

“And what have you been up to, Sirius?” James asked the instant he saw him.

 

“Just walking Joe back to Ravenclaw Tower.”

 

“You’ve been gone over an hour!” Peter said.

 

“Well, we were…,” Sirius faltered and swore at Peter under his breath, “chatting…on the way.”

 

“Like when you went off by yourselves in Hogsmeade?” James asked with a smirk that left Sirius feeling even more uncomfortable.

 

“Yes,” he replied coldly, and grabbing a pair of pyjama bottoms, he hurried off to the bathroom to get ready for bed in peace. 

 

As he closed the door behind him, he heard the others begin to talk in hushed voices. Had they decided that he’d been through enough? He hoped so; if he didn’t have to see Joe again, then he wouldn’t have to feel like this.

 

He couldn’t get over the fact that he had done _things_ with another boy. Not only done unmentionables, but enjoyed them, too. He couldn’t bear for the others to know this; he didn’t want to be seen by them as an effeminate poofter. He wasn’t, was he? Sirius groaned as he pulled on his pyjamas; it was all so confusing. Why did he have to like it?

 

The whispered conversation had ended by the time he returned to the bedroom, leaving an awkward silence in its wake. Without saying a word to the others, he got straight into bed and pulled his curtains closed.

 

** 

 

Sirius let himself become hypnotised by Peter’s hands as they shuffled the pack of Exploding Snap cards. He was going to have to do it: get up and leave—tell them where he was going.

 

They had all slept in that morning, with nobody stirring until midday, and the afternoon had been spent poring over books in the library, finishing the homework that was due on Monday. Once dinner was over, they had headed back to the dormitory to play a few games of cards. Not one word had been said about Joe all day. Now, it was time for Sirius to go and meet him, and he had no choice but to bring up the subject. Nervously, he cleared his throat and grabbed his shoes from under the bed. 

 

“Don’t deal me in, this time, Peter.” 

 

“Where are you going?” James asked.

 

“My _boyfriend_ wants me to meet him,” Sirius said sourly, and James began to snigger, prompting Peter to join in.

 

“You can’t dump him yet, Padfoot,” James said with a smirk. “You’ve got to keep going for at least a couple of weeks.”

 

Sirius’s jaw dropped. Two weeks? At least? _I can’t do it,_ he thought. _Not without them knowing that I like it; it’s just not possible. Fuck it. I’m a poof and they’re going to find out. Fucking fuck it._ Grabbing his jacket, Sirius glared angrily at James.

 

“Fine,” he snapped. “Turn me into a fucking queer, then.”

 

James chuckled. “Are you sure you’re not already?”

 

This was the last straw for Sirius; he didn’t need a wand to be able to vent his frustrations on James. Sirius charged across the dormitory, letting out a growl of annoyance and raising his fist ready to wipe that smug look from James’s face. 

 

“Enough!” Remus shouted as he lunged in front of Sirius to block his path. “James, Peter, can you clear off for a while? I want to talk to Sirius.”

 

Looking shocked and saying nothing, James and Peter both stalked out of the room, leaving Sirius and Remus alone. 

 

“Bloody wanker,” Sirius muttered as the door closed. “Why does he have to be such an arse?”

 

“Possibly because you lied to him.”

 

“Lied? What do you mean?”

 

“We know where you went with Joe last night.”

 

“What?” Sirius spluttered. “How the… Did that bastard follow me?” 

 

“No. We saw you on the map. James wanted to go up and see what you were doing, but I persuaded him not to.”

 

Sirius sat down, letting out a shaky breath. Then they knew already. They _knew_ he had been doing poofy things with Joe. It no longer mattered that they expected him and Joe to carrying on seeing each other: there was nothing for him to hide anymore; it had all come out anyway. On their next date—tonight—Sirius could do things with Joe, _enjoy_ doing those things and…not feel guilty. 

 

“Ignore James,” Remus said. “You can stop seeing Joe.”

 

Sirius gaped at Remus, stunned. Having found out he was queer, _this_ was Remus’s answer? Shaking his head in disbelief, Sirius let out a bitter laugh. So, it was all right for him to be forced into the situation in jest, but now that he had been outed, Remus suddenly didn’t want him anywhere near Joe. And after all that Remus had said in defence of Podmore and Croaker…

 

“Did you hear me, Sirius?”

 

“Yes, I bloody well heard you,” Sirius spat. “So that’s it, is it? You don’t like it, so you just want it to stop, huh? You’re a fucking hypocrite! And you had the bloody cheek to tell _me_ not to be homophobic.”

 

“Don’t you dare call me a hypocrite, Sirius Black!” Remus immediately snapped back. “I’ve seen what Joe’s like, and there’s no way he wouldn’t have at least tried _something_ with you. Going by how homo-fucking-phobic you were before, I was surprised that you haven’t started railing about Joe coming on to you. But I guess you didn’t mind as much as you made out in the first place.”

 

“Fuck you.” 

 

Sirius stormed out of the room and down the stairs, glaring at James and Peter on his way past them in the common room. If they had any ideas about following him, then they would be in for one hell of an argument.

 

**

 

By the time Sirius had made it to the Prefect’s bathroom, Joe was already waiting patiently in the hall. 

 

“Sorry I’m late,” Sirius said, running his hands through his hair in agitation and trying to give Joe an apologetic smile.

 

Joe leant close to the door on his left, muttered, “ _Citrus-sweet_ ” and it swung inwards with a creak. “You look really pissed off,” he said as he followed Sirius into the bathroom. Joe knelt down at one end of a swimming-pool sized bath and turned on several golden taps, out of which streamed bubbles and warm, frothy water. “What’s up?”

 

“Got into an argument with Remus.” 

 

Sirius gazed around the huge room in awe. Everything was made of white marble, there was a large pile of fluffy white towels in one corner, and it was all lit with a soft glow from the candle-filled chandelier. He couldn’t believe that Remus had never shared any of this with his roommates. 

 

“What about?” Joe asked, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around Sirius’s waist, then sliding a hand down the back of Sirius’s jeans to firmly squeeze his arse.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I said ‘what was the argument about?’”

 

“Oh, it’s not important,” Sirius said distractedly, and he leaned forwards to kiss Joe. For the first time, Sirius was able to take this at his own pace, rather than letting it become a frantic free-for-all that was underlined with guilt. He could savour the feel of their lips connecting; he could wilfully tease out Joe’s tongue; he could slide his hands over Joe’s body and focus on how it really felt. He could enjoy it—enjoy it without worrying about how wrong it was. 

 

Joe broke the kiss and moved his hands to the front of Sirius’s trousers. “Going by the look on your face, I’d say it definitely was important. Come on, spit it out.”

 

Sirius answered with a sigh and said, “It was about you.” Joe’s movements halted, his fingers pausing in mid-air by the zipper to Sirius’s jeans, and he looked up questioningly. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Sirius added.

 

Before Joe could ask anything else, Sirius caught his mouth for a second kiss. Cradling Joe’s head in his hands, he kept kissing and kissing, hoping that they could just stop talking for the rest of the evening, that he could forget those things that Remus had said. Feeling Joe push his trousers over his hips and shove them down to the floor, Sirius slipped off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans. Then Joe was tugging at his t-shirt, trying to pull it over his head, and Sirius had to break the connection.

 

“Does he want you to stop seeing me?” Joe asked as he dropped the shirt to the floor and skirted his fingers across Sirius’s chest.

 

Sirius nodded and kissed Joe again, reaching down to help unbuckle Joe’s trousers. Within seconds, Joe had kicked them off. Pulling away from Sirius, Joe knelt down to turn off the taps.

 

“But you’re here, anyway,” Joe pointed out, and he lowered himself into the water.

 

“Yeah.” Sirius gave a small smile and joined Joe in the bath, pulling him close and pressing up against his warm, naked, body. The sound of very feminine giggle startled him, and he automatically jumped away from Joe, looking around in panic for whoever had walked in on them.

 

“It’s okay; it’s just a portrait,” Joe said, pointing to a picture of a mermaid on the wall. He closed the gap between them and kissed his way up Sirius’s neck. Sirius remained rigid, seeing the mermaid watching them intently, feeling Joe’s lips curl into a grin against his skin. “She never tells. I would’ve been in trouble a long time ago if she did.”

 

Reaching round Sirius, Joe turned one of the many taps. A thick, pinkish liquid poured from it and he caught some in his hands.

 

“Liquid soap,” he said, rubbing his hands together to work up a lather. He fanned them out across Sirius’s shoulders, rubbing them in small circles, working down his arms, and back up his chest, flicking at Sirius’s nipples on the way. “The tap next to it has oil. Stinks of lavender, mind, but it’s okay to use.”

 

Sirius didn’t understand why Joe had felt it necessary to divulge that particular information about the lavender oil, but at that moment, Sirius couldn’t really care, not when Joe was working his way across Sirius’s body to clean every last inch that was above the surface of the water. Sirius let out a contented moan and drew Joe in for a heated kiss, scooping some of the lather from Joe’s hands and working it into the skin of Joe’s back, sliding his palms across Joe’s skin, rubbing at the outlines of muscle, drifting over the angled edges of bone.

 

“Mmm, you are so….” Joe groaned as Sirius ground their cocks together underneath the water. “So different tonight. Having Remus rile you up has a wonderful effect on you.”

 

Sirius grunted at the name and latched onto Joe’s collarbone with his mouth, sliding his foamy hands under the surface and over Joe’s arse. He had never directly touched it before, and he could imagine what Remus would say if he knew where Sirius’s hands were. His hands slid lower, the tips of his fingers brushing along the tops of Joe’s thighs.

 

“Sirius…” Joe moaned, dragging them both to where he could reach the plug, then pulling it out until the water level had dropped to half-way down their thighs. He helped himself to more soap and told Sirius to turn around.

 

Joe’s soapy hands glided over Sirius’s arse, massaging him, slipping further inwards, his fingers running up and down the crease, and Sirius grabbed the edge of the bath for support, his eyes widening in shock. Then a finger was pressing against him, pushing its way inside of him. He clenched his muscles.

 

“I…I’m not sure I like that…” he stuttered. Joe’s finger retreated, and he splashed water across Sirius’s arse, rinsing the bubbles from his skin. 

 

Joe breathed warm air across his neck. “Get on your hands and knees on those towels; I’ll do something that I promise you’ll love.”

 

Sirius clambered out of the bath and knelt down, feeling awkward all of a sudden that Joe had yet again lured him into unknown territory. He felt Joe come up behind him and place his hands across Sirius’s arse once more, fingers ghosting inwards and then pulling at the skin, stretching him wide open. Something wet slid its way from the base of his balls upwards, ending in a small circle over his arsehole. Sirius could make a pretty good guess what it was. He shivered.

 

“Did you just…?” Sirius asked, not wanting to finish the question, not sure if he really wanted Joe to confirm the answer. 

 

“Yep,” Joe said blithely before placing soft kisses across his arse cheeks. “It’s okay, Sirius: you’re clean. So don’t think about it, just feel.”

 

And then Joe’s face was buried against his arse, tongue moving in broad sweeps first on one side and then the other. Breathing deeply, Sirius braced himself and screwed his eyes shut tight, wondering how anyone could consider getting that close to his arse. The tongue slipped back to his entrance, moving in small circles before pushing inwards just as that finger had done. He let out a soft mewl and instinctively ground himself backwards. 

 

Sirius couldn’t believe that Joe actually had his tongue _inside_ him. But more than that, Sirius couldn’t believe that it felt so good, that he wanted more. He groaned and sunk down to his elbows, spreading his legs further apart. The tongue sunk in more deeply, then out again, another circle, then in once more. In and out, in and out, and Sirius began to rock against it, groaning heavily, his cock throbbing underneath him.

 

Cold air hit his moistened skin as Joe moved away, and Sirius let out a whine of disappointment. Joe chuckled and started to kiss his way up Sirius’s back, his cock nestling against Sirius’s arse. Sirius twitched his hips, enjoying the way Joe’s cock rubbed against his sensitive flesh.

 

Once Joe had kissed all the way up Sirius’s spine, covering Sirius’s body with his own, pressing the length of his cock firmly between Sirius’s arse cheeks, he blew against Sirius’s neck and whispered, “I want to fuck you, Sirius.”

 

_Oh...._ Suddenly Sirius realised how far Joe was intending to take things that evening: he wanted to shag Sirius. Joe wanted to put his cock _there_. 

 

“We can take it slowly,” Joe said, in between planting kisses across the tops of Sirius’s shoulders. “But we don’t have to do this at all… not if… not if you think it would make things more awkward between you and Remus…”

 

At the mention of Remus, Sirius tensed. He could imagine what Remus would have to say on the matter. “Remus can go fuck himself for all I care,” Sirius spat, feeling rebellious and boldly rubbing his arse up against Joe’s cock. “I… I want you to. Fuck what Remus thinks.”

 

Joe moved away from him, and Sirius heard the sound of a tap running, the heavy scent of lavender wafting through the air. Then slick fingers were swirling around his entrance, the tip of one pushing inside, further, slowly invading him all the way, pausing, sliding out, and then sliding back in. To be kneeling here, with Joe’s finger gliding in and out of his arsehole left Sirius feeling decidedly exposed and awkward. It seemed like such an alien thing to do; yet, it tingled from within, making him shudder and not in a bad way. A second finger pressed against him. 

 

“So, what exactly has Remus said that’s upset you so much?” Joe asked as both fingers eased their way inwards. Sirius felt himself stretch around them; the sensations became more pronounced and he wasn’t sure if he liked it, but he did know that he was having trouble paying attention to Joe. The only word he could remember from the previous sentence was ‘Remus’.

 

Joe continued to talk. “There must have been more to it than him simply telling you to stop seeing me. Doesn’t he think I’m good enough?”

 

_Why now?_ Sirius wondered. Why did Joe want to continue the discussion in the middle of doing _this_? Was he intentionally trying to torture Sirius? He was having a hard enough time coming to terms with their current activity, without bringing Remus into the mix, again. He let out a frustrated groan. Perhaps if he just briefly told Joe why Remus had issues, then Joe would be satisfied to give the subject of Remus a rest. 

 

“He…he went on a… homophobic rant… at me,” Sirius panted as Joe continued to fuck him with his fingers. Joe suddenly curled them and Sirius gasped as it sent a shockwave straight to his prick. “Fuck…. I … I wouldn’t have expected _him_ to react like this….” He trailed off, instinctively pushing back to drive Joe’s fingers inwards as far as they could go. 

 

“Keep talking,” Joe insisted. 

 

“Ja… James, yes, well…no; he’ll just take the piss, and…oh God, that’s… that’s…oh yes…. P… Peter will… probably join in, too… but they won’t… they won’t react like that. I just didn’t expect it from Remus. Not Remus.”

 

Only when he had finished speaking, did Sirius notice that Joe had stopped his motions. 

 

“Hang on. React to what?” Joe asked, removing his fingers completely. “You’re talking about it as if they don’t know about us, that Remus has only found out tonight. That doesn’t make sense.”

 

Sirius cringed. Why did he ever attempt to have a conversation when Joe’s fingers were fucking him up the arse—when there was no chance of him being able to pay the slightest consideration to what he was saying? Letting out a resigned sigh, he rolled onto his back on the towels to face Joe: sprawled naked with his arse in the air was not the best of positions for him to be in when it came to talking his way out of a situation. 

 

“They…they thought I was only doing it for…a dare, I suppose,” Sirius admitted, looking up at Joe, who was perched awkwardly by Sirius’s thighs and appeared to be more tense than Sirius had ever seen him. 

 

“A dare, you suppose?” Joe repeated in a monotone. He narrowed his eyes at Sirius. “What do you mean by that?” 

 

“I…pissed Remus off, and…I said I’d do anything to make it up to him.”

 

“Anything?”

 

Sirius nodded. “Like go on a date with you, even though I wasn’t gay.” He swallowed and could feel his cock beginning to wilt under Joe’s scrutinising gaze.

 

“I see…” Joe turned towards the bathtub and reached out, twisting one of the taps open and catching another handful of oil. Crawling back to sit between Sirius’s legs, Joe started to rub the oil over his cock and leant down to press a brief kiss to Sirius’s lips, catching Sirius off guard.

 

Two oily hands took hold of Sirius’s knees and bent them, forcing his legs to open wider.

 

“And now he’s said you don’t have to keep up your _charade_ , you’ve decided that you quite like a bit of cock,” Joe added, punctuating his sentence by rubbing the head of his cock against Sirius’s entrance.

 

Sirius shuddered, surprised that Joe was apparently still willing to continue. “Yes.”

 

Joe tilted his hips and pushed the head inside, leaning forward to rest his hands on either side of Sirius’s chest and gradually sliding in more of his cock. Sirius’s skin began to tingle as he felt himself being opened up wider and wider, stretching so much he could imagine it wouldn’t be long before he was split in two. It seemed to take forever before Joe had sheathed himself fully and lay still on top of Sirius, drawing several deep breaths. 

 

Sirius fidgeted, trying to work out if it was starting to feel better already; it was definitely not quite so tight, and he was tempted to say that he wanted that cock to start moving. He felt Joe’s prick twitch, and Joe said, “But now that Remus has told you to stop seeing me, you refused—despite promising him anything?”

 

“Er… not exactly. It wasn’t like that… he didn’t _say_ I had to…”

 

“And what if he had done?”

 

“I… I don’t know,” Sirius admitted with a gasp as Joe began to fuck him ever so slowly. What if Remus _had_ told him outright? But with his knees bent, feet dangling in mid-air and Joe’s cock inside him, it was practically impossible to work out what he really would have done.

 

“This is… hardly inspiring… my confidence, Sirius.” Joe stilled, and looked Sirius in the eye. “How can you let someone else have so much control over your life?”

 

“He’s… we’ve been through a lot together…” Sirius was at a loss. Thinking was not an option at that moment, but he did know that he appreciated Remus’s company more than anyone else’s—even James, his best friend. “I don’t want to lose his friendship.”

 

“To the point of doing anything he told you?” 

 

“I guess…”

 

“So, you’d let him fuck you if he asked?”

 

Sirius dismissed Joe’s question immediately with a half-hearted laugh. “That’s not likely to happen.”

 

“Fuck whether it’s _likely_. Would you _want_ him to do _this_?” Joe pushed inwards once more.

 

“I… I hadn’t—”

 

“—thought about it. Well, perhaps now would be a good time to start.”

 

“Don’t be stupid!” Sirius spluttered as Joe looked at him intently. “He’s one of my best friends.”

 

“So? It’s not illegal to think about screwing other people; I do it all the time.” 

 

“But, he’s… Remus. I—” Sirius was cut off as Joe began to move, pushing into him decisively. Sirius couldn’t speak, but he felt he shouldn’t have to defend himself on this, anyway: as far as he was concerned, thinking of shagging one of your friends was something you just didn’t do. 

 

“Well, if he was … one of my mates... I know I’d want… to fuck him,” Joe panted as he continued to slide in and out. “Close your eyes.” 

 

Sirius did as Joe suggested, listening as Joe continued to talk. “Now, this hand that’s running over your body, imagine that it belongs to Remus.” Sirius shivered, feeling the fingers drift across his stomach and up to his chest to tweak at a nipple, warm breath ghosting against his ear. “It’s Remus kissing your neck,” Joe said, brushing his lips below Sirius’s earlobe. Sirius moaned softly, and Joe started to grind his cock once more. “Remus, who’s… burying himself… inside you.”

 

They lapsed into a silence that was punctuated by moans and panting, hot breath dancing over Sirius’s skin. A hand slipped between their bodies and curled around Sirius’s cock. Sirius turned his head towards the heat of the face next to his, kissing at the stubbly cheek. He jerked his hips and pushed back against the cock that was thrusting into him more forcefully, losing himself to the feeling of a warm body covering him, a hard prick moving inside him, hands tracing over his skin, lips dusting down his neck. And for a brief moment it _was_ Remus.

 

Sirius snapped his eyes open. “Stop… stop it.”

 

“Shh, it’s okay: he never has to know,” Joe said, reaching up and placing a hand across Sirius’s face, casting him into darkness again, “and I personally love a bit of role play; so you might as well let yourself enjoy it.”

 

Not waiting for Sirius to respond, Joe started to fuck him more vigorously, the hand that was wrapped around Sirius’s cock matching the pace. Sirius muttered a stream of incoherent nonsense, bucking up into the hand and listening to Joe breathing words against his neck, “Sirius, say my name.”

 

“Joe.” 

 

“No. It’s Remus. Say it.” 

 

“Re… Remus…” Sirius started to shake. This was wrong; he shouldn’t be doing this, especially knowing how Remus felt. He had no right. What the hell did he think he was doing? “No!” he called out, pulling Joe’s hand from his eyes.

 

But Joe only glanced downwards as he continued to drive into Sirius. “Don’t tell me… you aren’t… getting right into this…. You are so… fucking…. hard… right now.”

 

“Stop it!” Sirius pleaded, and he pushed hard at Joe to get him off, to get him out. “Please, just fucking stop.”

 

To his relief, Joe stilled and then withdrew in silence. Sirius’s breath was coming in shaky gasps as he watched Joe move to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Joe leaned down and rinsed his cock in the water before wanking himself off—his arm moving furiously, a complete contrast to the rigidity in the rest of his body.

 

Trembling, Sirius sat up and grabbed his t-shirt, clumsily pulling it over his head before hunting round for his underpants. He heard Joe cry out and looked up to see Joe’s hand juddering to a halt, come landing across the surface of the water. Sirius’s eyes dropped to his own cock that was still hard from thinking about Remus. Feeling disgusted with himself, he hurriedly pulled on his jeans to get his traitorous cock out of sight.

 

Joe shook his head as he started to dress, staring at Sirius, his face unreadable.

 

“If he wanted you, you’d drop me in an instant,” Joe said coldly.

 

“No… I—”

 

“Don’t deny it, Sirius. What’s the point? Going by his earlier reaction, we both know that he wouldn’t touch you with a bargepole. You’re not good enough; you’re not a girl.”

 

And it was true: Remus would never want him like this. No matter how close they had been, Sirius could never be anything more. And at that moment, Sirius hated Joe for showing him this, for showing him how much he wanted something he couldn’t have.

 

“You’re in love with him,” Joe stated baldly as he buckled the belt to his trousers.

 

“Blokes do not love other blokes!”

 

“Just who are you trying to convince?” Joe sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I just want you to be honest. What is so scary about the words ‘I want to fuck Remus’? Why can’t you admit that you like him?”

 

“But I don’t… I can’t…”

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. I give up.”

 

Sirius watched as Joe marched towards the door. “Where are you going?”

 

Joe stopped, resting his fingers on the handle. “I can take it that you used me because of him. I can take it that you’d rather be with him. I don’t mind shagging you—even pretending to _be_ him—knowing all that. But I’m not willing to listen to your denials, not tonight.” Joe opened the door and stepped out into the corridor. “I’ll see you later, Sirius, after you’ve had a chance to sort your head out.”


	5. The Bystander

Peter was in shock. He had never seen Sirius reacting so aggressively towards James before. And then Remus had shouted, and that was something that very rarely happened. It had only been a practical joke—something that Sirius usually didn’t think twice about before pulling on other people. Why there had been such a palaver about it, he just couldn’t understand.

 

Peter fidgeted in his seat in the common room. Hearing a loud bang from upstairs, he glanced up and gave James a poke. Sirius was storming down the stairs, looking furious. He didn’t say a word to them as he walked past and climbed through the portrait hole, but he did send them a hefty glare. James jumped up and headed towards the dormitory, and Peter dashed upstairs after him to find Remus standing by the bed looking completely bewildered.

 

“What happened?” James asked as Peter sat down awkwardly on his bed.

 

“I’m not entirely sure,” Remus said, and he rubbed at the creases that had appeared between his eyebrows. “I certainly didn’t tell him what I meant to.”

 

“Well, what on earth _did_ you say to have him storming off like that?”

 

“He called me homophobic, so I had a go at him.”

 

Peter was stunned by Sirius’s audacity, and James also appeared to be taken aback by this news, asking, “He called _you_ homophobic?” But then, to Peter’s bewilderment, James began to snigger and he added, “That really is priceless!”

 

“James,” Remus said curtly, and he subtly directed a swift kick to James’s foot.

 

James, being James, would normally defend any humour he found in a situation; he would bite back. But today, and for no reason that Peter could think of, James didn’t.

 

“Sorry,” James mumbled, briefly flicking his gaze in Peter’s direction. “Where is he now, Remus?”

 

“Probably with Joe.”

 

“When you ordered us out,” James continued, “I thought you were going to tell him he could stop seeing Joe.”

 

“I did; that’s when the shouting started.”

 

Peter shook his head, trying to understand why that would make Sirius so angry. Surely after his earlier reaction, he would want to end this whole charade. He looked up as James spoke again.

 

“He _wants_ to keep seeing Joe?”

 

“So it would seem,” Remus said bitterly.

 

“Oh, I was _not_ expecting that to happen,” James said with a hearty chuckle.

 

“It’s not funny, James.”

 

“Yes it is,” James insisted. “Oh come on, don’t you find the way that Padfoot’s mind works just a little bit amusing?”

 

“No, just wholly frustrating.” 

 

James suddenly stopped laughing and frowned hard at Remus. Peter looked between the two of them; Sirius couldn’t be… he really couldn’t. Surely he’d got the wrong idea.

 

“So Sirius really is a poof?” he asked quietly.

 

Remus scowled at him. “You might want to take out life assurance before you say that to his face.”

 

“No wonder he’s been in such a bad mood,” James mused, still staring at Remus thoughtfully. “I hope he cheers up now that he’s been outed for a second time.”

 

“I don’t understand why he was so defensive about Joe,” Remus said, distractedly running his fingers through his hair. “It can’t possibly be serious, not with Joe – he puts it about all over the place.”

 

“How do you know?” Peter asked.

 

“I’ve seen him in action; he was coming onto Dawlish only a few weeks back.”

 

“The Ravenclaw Prefect?”

 

Remus nodded. He seemed paler than usual, not unlike the day after a full moon, and he was fidgeting with his hands in an agitated manner as James paced the room. 

 

Narrowing his eyes, James turned to Remus and asked, “So you don’t think Joe’s good enough for Sirius? You _were_ the one to suggest Joe in the first place.”

 

“I wasn’t expecting this to happen!” Remus snapped and he cast a nervous glance at Peter, who could only assume that Remus felt it was his fault that Sirius had turned gay. But what did this mean for the rest of them? If Sirius carried on seeing Joe, then surely they wouldn’t be at risk of Sirius trying it on with any of them. It didn’t matter who Sirius was dating, just as long as he didn’t turn his attentions to them.

 

“Peter,” James said, snapping Peter out of his reverie. “I left my bag downstairs. Would you get it?”

 

“But…”

 

“Now?”

 

Peter obediently trudged off down to the common room, and Remus looked up at James in trepidation, having the uncomfortable feeling that James had worked it out—that James knew why this had upset him so much. Not waiting for James to start asking questions, Remus began to explain.

 

“I _had_ expected Joe to try it on with him,” Remus said, “but I also thought that Sirius would moan about it afterwards—I wouldn’t have been surprised if Joe had dumped Sirius for refusing to kiss him.” 

 

“If that had happened, you know that I wouldn’t have been able to resist bullying Sirius into doing it anyway.”

 

“I wouldn’t have let you,” Remus said, picking up the origami-Padfoot from his bedside table and beginning to fiddle with it. “You can be so heartless at times, James.”

 

“But it’s all good entertainment.”

 

“At your best friend’s expense?”

 

“If I was in his position, I’m positive he’d do the same—use me, for his own amusement. You, of all people, should know that.”

 

Yes, Remus conceded, he had had direct experience with how little consideration for others Sirius put into his own pranks.

 

The door clicked open and Peter came in with his things from downstairs, along with James’s bag. James took the bag and opened it.

 

“One of my quills is missing,” James said with a tut. “I bet it’s ended up underneath the sofa again. Peter would you…?”

 

“All right, I’ll go look for it.”

 

Peter disappeared downstairs for a second time, and James looked at Remus a little awkwardly.

 

“Have you ever thought about me and Peter… you know…like _that_?” James asked. 

 

“No…well…maybe just the once. But it was only a… a bit of an experiment. Don’t worry; the thought of doing anything with you or Peter doesn’t appeal to me.” 

 

“But doing stuff with Sirius does…”

 

Remus glanced down at the origami-Padfoot. At first, he had been enjoying Sirius’s discomfort—a little too much perhaps, to the point of immersing himself in the fantasy that Sirius really was gay. But then Remus had become genuinely worried that Sirius had been forcing himself to go through with it—to let Joe take advantage of him—and all because of his stupid bloody promise. Remus could never have anticipated that Sirius, of all people, would actually enjoy it. Remus guessed that this was his just desserts for agreeing to go along with James’s idea in the first place.

 

“What does it matter?” he asked, screwing up the origami-Padfoot in his fist and then dropping it on the floor. “He’s seeing Joe now.”

 

“You should tell him how you feel.”

 

“No!” Remus was alarmed to see James looking very determined about his assertion. “I don’t _want_ him to know—and don’t you tell him either. It’s better if he doesn’t find out.”

 

James narrowed his eyes, and Remus started to panic that James was going to tell Sirius anyway.

 

“James, just leave it, okay?”

 

James never confirmed the request, though, because at that moment, a slightly out-of-breath Peter came back into the bedroom.

 

“I looked under the sofa, the chairs, and even the rug in front of the fireplace,” he said, “but I can’t find your quill.”

 

After muttering a word of thanks to Peter, James slid his trunk from under the bed and began to rummage through it. 

 

“What are you doing?” Remus asked.

 

“I’m going to find Sirius,” James said, pulling out the Marauder’s Map and waggling it in the air in front of Remus.

 

“James, don’t you dare!” Remus felt his stomach sink to his feet. James was going to tell Sirius everything. 

 

Ignoring Remus completely, James tapped the parchment with his wand and said, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” He opened the map on his bed and began scouring the dots to find the one labelled Sirius Black. “He’s in the Prefect’s bathroom with Joe. What’s the password, Remus?”

 

“I’m not telling you.”

 

“Why do you have to be so stubborn? Fine. I’ll just wait outside the bathroom until he leaves.” 

 

“James…”

 

James scooped up the map and walked out of the room without as much as a backward glance. Peter’s eyes flicked nervously back and forth between Remus and the door for a moment, then he, too, scurried off downstairs after James.

 

**

 

Jogging along in the corridor, trying to keep up with James, Peter nearly crashed into him when James stopped abruptly. 

 

James stared intently at the map for a few moments, screwing his face up, and said, “Sirius is still there but Joe’s leaving. He’s coming this way.” 

 

James hastily stuffed the map into his pocket before continuing to walk onwards. As they rounded the corner, they saw Joe, who glowered at them the instant he saw them.

 

“Why aren’t you with Sirius?” James asked as they approached him.

 

Joe’s tone was decidedly cold when he replied. “I got bored listening to him lie—to me, and to himself.” His demeanour towards them had changed dramatically since the previous night at the party; Peter thought it would probably be better—safer—if he just stood back a little and let James do the talking. 

 

“Joe, what do you mean?”

 

“He told me about your little set up.”

 

Peter didn’t understand. Why would Sirius do that if he wanted to carry on seeing Joe? Despite wanting to stay out of it, Peter couldn’t help from asking, “He _told_ you?” When Joe cast an icy look in his direction, Peter speculated whether he could get away with charming his own mouth shut.

 

“He mentioned it by mistake,” Joe explained. “He was too busy ranting _about Remus_ to pay attention to what he was saying.”

 

“So it’s all over?” James asked hesitantly.

 

“Nah!” Joe let out a bitter laugh. “Well, not yet, anyway. Tell me, has he always been this obsessed with Remus?”

 

“Obsessed?” Peter stuttered, stepping backwards from Joe slightly and wondering why he would think that. “He’s not obsessed.”

 

“Of course not,” Joe said sarcastically. “Promising to do anything must form part of the daily fare amongst you lot.”

 

Trying to work out exactly what was going on made Peter’s head hurt. Why was Joe willing to carry on seeing Sirius after finding out it had all been a prank? Was Joe going to blame Remus for what happened? Peter glanced nervously between Joe and James, and noticed that James was now gaping at Joe in complete astonishment. 

 

“So,” James began, “you think that Sirius…”

 

To Peter’s annoyance, Joe picked up on what James was asking before he’d even finished.

 

“Yeah,” Joe replied, “going by his reaction to Remus’s little homophobic outburst.”

 

“But Sirius got the wrong end of the stick. Remus doesn’t have a problem with him being gay.”

 

“I see,” Joe said darkly, and Peter could detect a look of disappointment pass across his face. “Just how accepting is he? Did Remus just overreact because he’s _jealous_ , perhaps?” 

 

Expecting James to start laughing, Peter let out an undignified snort, but that was the only sound that rang out in the disturbingly silent corridor. Peter looked over and caught James glance at him nervously. _Does he think that I’m going to be the next one to turn gay?_

 

“Bugger,” Joe muttered, and he shook his head, a wry smile on his lips. “I guess that means Sirius and I _do_ have a limited shelf-life.” 

 

Not waiting for another response, Joe gave them both a nod of acknowledgment and walked off down the corridor, leaving them standing there in silence.

 

Peter rocked back and forth on his heels, waiting for James to stop staring into space and say something. It seemed like hours, but it was probably only seconds, before James pulled the map out of his pocket and studied it.

 

“Sirius still isn’t leaving the bathroom,” James said, putting the map away. “Come on, it’s getting late. Who knows how long he’ll be in there moping.”

 

They walked back to the dormitory in silence, and even when they arrived, the conversation was stilted. Remus had a foul glare plastered across his face and refused to cheer up, even when James protested that they had only seen Joe and that Sirius was still sulking in the Prefect’s bathroom—so nothing had been said to Sirius. But Peter couldn’t fathom why James had expected this to improve Remus’s bad mood.


	6. The Shove

The door to the dormitory creaked as it opened. Sirius brushed past it, moving from darkened stairway to the bedroom, which was lit only by the light of the waxing moon that came in from the window. Peter’s low snores resonated throughout the dormitory, punctuated by a rustling from Remus’s bed. 

 

Silently, Sirius walked across the floor, until something light knocked against his foot and skittered across the floorboards: it was the origami Padfoot that he’d made for Remus, crushed out of shape. More evidence—as if he needed any more—that Remus was repulsed by what Sirius was doing with Joe.

 

As he reached his bed, he heard a creak from James’s bed. 

 

“Lumos.”

 

Sirius turned round to see James sitting up and holding his wand aloft, the tip shining brightly in the dim room.

 

“Have you been in the Prefect’s bathroom all this time?” James asked. 

 

“Yeah. Spying on me again, were you?” Eyeing James suspiciously, Sirius perched on the side of his bed. “You don’t mind that I’m a poof?”

 

“Nah, of course not.”

 

“Why is it such a problem for Remus?”

 

“You got the wrong end of the stick earlier. He—”

 

“James…” Remus said warningly, cutting him off and making Sirius look up with a start. He could see Remus lying there in the shadows, and a flash of memory came back to him, like a kick to the gut: the fantasy of him and Remus fucking. “How did your date go?”

 

Sirius sat there not trusting himself to speak. How could he have been such an arse? Why did he let Joe talk him into it? All that was going round his head were imagined sensations of Remus taking him as Joe had done. Sirius began to clasp at the bed sheet, hands twitching in agitation. The sudden notion struck him of taking Remus, then and there in his bed, and this was followed by a wave of disappointment as Remus’s earlier reaction came back to him. Sirius could feel his pent-up sexual energy from the evening’s events twisting itself up into anger, which was all directed at Remus for being such a hypocrite.

 

“Sirius,” Remus prompted after several moments of silence, “James said Joe left ages before yo—”

 

“It’s none of your business,” Sirius snapped. “If you’re so disgusted by it, why are you so insistent about hearing the details?”

 

“Disgusted? I’m not disgust—” 

 

“You could have fooled me earlier.”

 

“Sirius, at times you can be _such_ an idiot!”

 

“Fuck you! You were the one who got me into this situation in the first place. What exactly do you expect me to do about it—suddenly change back to how things were before?”

 

“Will you both just pack it in?” James butted in before Remus had a chance to reply. A low snuffle and shuffling of blankets came from Peter’s side of the room. “I do not want to be stuck in a dormitory with you two at each other’s throats all the time!” He shifted to face Sirius directly. “Look, Remus isn’t homophobic. He was onl—”

 

“You weren’t here; you didn’t see the way he reacted.”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake! Will you just listen, Sirius?” James said, his voice nearly rising to a shout.

 

“James…” Remus warned again.

 

“Why can’t I tell him?” James asked Remus. “At least he’d believe that you _can’t_ have a problem with him being gay.” 

 

“James, I told you earlier—” 

 

James turned back to Sirius. “Remus likes blokes as well.”

 

“Stop trying to wind me up, James,” Sirius said dismissively, trying to ignore the hope that had instantly welled up inside him at James’s words. 

 

“I’m not! He really does, and not only that, it turns out—”

 

“James, that’s enough!” Remus suddenly shouted. 

 

Sirius watched as Remus shuffled uncomfortably in his bed. “Is it true, Remus?” Remus gave a slight nod of his head, and Sirius felt his lower jaw drop. He didn’t dare to let himself think that this meant Remus would be interested. But even so… “What the fuck was your reaction about earlier?” When Remus didn’t reply, Sirius glanced back at James. “Are you both taking the piss out of me, or what?”

 

“Would you still do anything for Remus?” James asked quietly.

 

Sirius was painfully aware of just how much he would do for Remus. There was no question about his answer. With a muted voice, he muttered, “Yes.”

 

“Then for crying out loud, Remus,” James said with a note of exasperation in his voice, “either tell him everything, or just be done with it and…” Sirius frowned as James paused and smirked to himself before continuing. “And _prove_ that you don’t have a problem with him being gay? Because with his thick skull, he’s obviously not going to accept it any other way.”

 

“I don’t see what I can _do_ —”

 

“Let him give you a blow-job,” James said blithely as he unsuccessfully tried to keep the smile from his face.

 

“What?” Remus and Sirius spluttered at the same time.

 

“If you’re as homophobic as Sirius thinks you are, then that’s something you definitely wouldn’t do. Sirius has already said that he’d do anything you asked.”

 

“Are you insane?” Remus shouted, jumping up from his bed. “How can you—? You _know_ that… James, why are you doing this to me?”

 

Sirius watched as Remus continued to rant at James. James did have a point. Why was it such a big deal if Remus wasn’t just being a big fat hypocrite?

 

“So you _are_ disgusted by the fact that I’m willing to suck another bloke’s cock!” Sirius blurted out suddenly, surprising both himself and Remus. “It’s not as if James suggested that you give _me_ a blow-job.”

 

“No! I…” Remus trailed off, and he gazed at Sirius in what could only be described as fear.

 

“Well, as James said, why don’t you prove it?”

 

Remus flicked his eyes nervously between James and Sirius. “Fine…. If that’s what it will take. What about Joe?”

 

“We’re not exclusive,” Sirius said dismissively.

 

James made his way over to Peter’s bed and gave him a shove. “Come on, get up, Peter. We’re going downstairs for a bit.”

 

“Wha’s going on?” Peter asked sleepily from the mound of bedding he had cocooned around him. 

 

“Don’t bother disturbing him,” Sirius said to James, worried that having to wait around for Peter to wake up and clear out might give Remus a chance to change his mind. There was no way Sirius wanted to lose the only opportunity he’d have to get this close to Remus, even if it would only be a brief acquaintance with his cock—at the very least, it would provide a tangible memory for all the fantasies that he anticipated having in the future. “Remus and I can go; there’ll be no one around at this time of night.”

 

They walked down in an awkward silence. Reaching a darkened corner of the common room, Remus stopped and turned, looking as if he was waiting for Sirius to act. 

 

Not knowing anything appropriate to say, Sirius sunk to his knees.

 

He watched in awe as Remus’s hands rose to the waistband of his pyjama trousers and his thumbs slipped inside. The material moved smoothly over his hips, downwards, exposing a thick patch of dark curls, then the pink of his limp penis. When he reached half-way down his thighs, Remus shifted on his feet, parting his legs slightly to prevent his trousers from falling any further. 

Sirius couldn’t quite believe that this was happening; he was torn between feeling elated that Remus was willing to let him do this and feeling uneasy that it was happening under such messed up circumstances. Reaching out with a tentative hand, he gently grasped the base of Remus’s cock, causing Remus to shudder. Sirius glanced up; if Remus was so fucking gay, then why the hell was he looking resolutely ahead with his hands clenched into tight fists by his sides?

 

Leaning forwards and determinedly not thinking about what it all meant, Sirius took Remus’s cock fully into his mouth. It tasted faintly of soap, and he buried his nose against the mass of pubes, deeply inhaling the scent of a recently-washed Remus, relishing the moment. A little unsure, he worked his way over the soft flesh with his lips and tongue, a vague sense of relief rushing through him as Remus’s cock started to stiffen and swell, soon becoming too big to fit comfortably in his mouth. 

 

He began to bob his head over the end, rubbing at the base with his hand, his other hand drifting up over Remus’s thigh towards his balls. Even though Remus’s breathing had become decidedly raspy, he was still standing completely motionless, as if waiting for Sirius to just get it over with. Feeling disconcerted that Remus didn’t seem to be enjoying the experience, Sirius opted against taking the opportunity to run a hand over Remus’s bare arse—just in case it pushed Remus too far. Instead, he concentrated on what was already in his mouth and under his fingers, trying to memorise every last square inch, and was soon rewarded by Remus letting out a keening noise and giving a quick jerk of his hips.

 

The sudden movement jolted Remus’s cock up against the back of Sirius’s throat, making Sirius’s eyes water. But it didn’t put him off like he would have expected. Sirius knew then that he _wanted_ Remus to take pleasure in him, even if it was at his expense. He needed Remus to show how much he was enjoying it. It didn’t matter if it hurt. It was worth it if it meant he was responsible for Remus losing control—if that was all he had to look back upon.

 

Moving Remus’s hands to the back of his head, Sirius curled the fingers tightly into his hair so they pulled at the roots. Remus immediately followed his lead and began to use Sirius’s hair as leverage, Sirius relaxing as much as he could and letting Remus do whatever he wanted with him. Sirius fought the urge to gag, feeling grateful that Remus seemed able to enjoy himself without fucking Sirius’s mouth too roughly. And then, Remus was coming, filling Sirius’s mouth with a bitter taste, cock slipping from Sirius’s lips and a smattering of sticky liquid landing across Sirius’s cheek. 

 

Sirius sat back on his heels and wiped his face with the back of his hand, swallowing the residues of come in his mouth. He watched as Remus hurriedly pulled his trousers up before slumping backwards and leaning against the wall for support. 

 

Remus didn’t look at him at all. Not even when Remus started to walk away towards the stairs, saying, “I feel like I should be paying you.” 

 

Sirius winced; after all that, and Remus was still treating him like dirt. 

 

“Why do you hate me, Remus?” Sirius asked, unable to stop his voice from breaking as he spoke.

 

Remus stopped and lowered his head, resting a hand on the banister. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Next time James brings up that bloody promise of yours, tell him to fuck off… or I will. I shouldn’t have forced you to go along with it. Any of it. You _can_ say no to me; being my friend doesn’t mean you have to be my rent-boy.”

 

“I _enjoyed_ doing it,” Sirius said, and he gave an awkward chuckle as Remus turned to gape at him.

 

“Just what are you saying?”

 

“It wouldn’t…. I wouldn’t mind…” Sirius groaned at himself in frustration, desperately searching for some way to admit how he felt—without scaring Remus off. “I’d…I’d do this again if you wanted me to.” Then once he had started, he couldn’t stop, and the words continued to fall from his lips. “I… I don’t have to keep seeing Joe. I’ll dump him if that’s what you want—if it makes you feel better about getting the occasional blow-job. I… I’d rather do that than have Joe. Rather have…you.”

 

Wordlessly, Remus walked back to where Sirius was standing, raising a trembling hand towards Sirius’s face and holding it in the air barely an inch away, making Sirius’s skin tingle at the proximity. 

 

“Have… you and Joe… did you kiss him?”

 

Sirius nodded, and he held his breath in anticipation as the hand cupped his face and Remus leaned in, feeling Remus’s lips quiver as their mouths made contact. He didn’t dare close his eyes, afraid that Remus could bolt at any moment. Then a second hand brushed against his hair, and Sirius brought up his arms to cautiously wrap them around Remus’s waist, drawing him closer. As the length of their bodies touched, Remus shuddered in his arms, and Sirius finally let his eyes flicker shut, moaning gently and relaxing into the kiss.

 

“I shouldn’t have made you do it,” Remus murmured, breathing warm puffs of air over Sirius’s skin. “I just wanted you to understand: experience the prejudice from the other side…. Then I realised that you _wanted_ to be with Joe, and I… I was… jealous….”

 

This was more than Sirius had ever hoped to hear, and he silenced Remus with another kiss, groaning as Remus’s hip started to rub up against his cock. Then Remus was reaching down to his trousers and making a clumsy attempt at trying to open them.

 

“So you’ll stop seeing Joe?” Remus whispered against Sirius’s lips as he finally loosened Sirius’s trousers enough to slip his hand inside. “I’ll be the only one who gets to do this from now on?”

 

“Yes… anything…”

 

Sirius could only moan against Remus’s shoulder as he slowly rocked his hips back and forth. This time, he didn’t have to imagine that the hand running over his body was Remus’s. This time, it really was Remus kissing his neck. Remus, who was pressed up against him. It was Remus.


End file.
